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Hope Blooms Podcast Re-Launch

6/23/2022

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New from EPLA: the Hope Blooms podcast! By Maria Servold
The Early Pregnancy Loss Association blog editors have been pleased to publish information, stories, and advice on our blog for the last handful of years. This month, we are excited to expand our outreach efforts by launching Hope Blooms, the podcast.

Available on all major podcast platforms, the Hope Blooms podcast will bring you stories from moms who have suffered miscarriage, as well as conversations with medical and other professionals.

The first two episodes are now live on your favorite podcast app, and they feature conversations between our founder and current executive director, Emily Carrington, and nurse and therapist Nancy Kingma, conducted in 2019. More of their conversation will be posted over the next month.

We hope you enjoy the episodes. In the future, we’d like to feature conversations with loss moms, health care professionals, and anyone else seeking to support women and families after early pregnancy loss. Let us know what you’d like to hear, or if you’d like to share your story with us.

Hope Blooms on Buzzsprout

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Miscarriages and the Terms We Use

6/9/2022

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By Emily Carrington EPLA Executive Director

When I was diagnosed with my first missed miscarriage, I didn’t even know what those words meant. I sat overwhelmed with both grief and confusion. After the diagnosis the doctor was kind and gentle. He invited me back at any time to answer questions. My brain reeled but seemed stuck at the same time. I didn’t even know what questions to ask. I had nowhere to put my thoughts while I was getting a crash course in pregnancy loss.

As EPLA describes in our educational resources, “a missed miscarriage, also called a missed abortion, is an early pregnancy loss in which the baby has died but has not been expelled from the uterus. When a missed miscarriage occurs, three options are available: to induce labor to expel the baby, to have a dilation and curettage procedure, or to wait until the body recognizes the miscarriage and goes into labor on its own.”

Some miscarriages start with sudden bleeding and some miscarriages *start* with the words “I am sorry there is no heartbeat.”

Following my missed miscarriage I realized that many of the terms used in early pregnancy loss are unknown to many people. Often the term miscarriage is used to lump everything together. This overgeneralization does a disservice to women and families suffering loss, as they have no way to understand what has happened to their baby and what will be happening to them.

Such generalization also allows for myths and misunderstandings to cloud early pregnancy loss. For example, not all miscarriages are “like a heavy period,” a common misconception that overlooks the hard labor many women endure to expel an embryo or fetus.

It is important that we are careful and precise with our language so we might know how to best care for each other.

Here at EPLA we work to clarify these misconceptions, share stories, and give voice to the suffering.

We believe that dignity is found in clinging to the truth. We must affirm the lives lost, the physical experience of the women, and the suffering of the family. This must start with a full understanding of terms.

In the coming months we will continue to highlight words such as ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, chemical pregnancy, and more. We will explore medical procedures such as a dilation and curettage as well as natural labor following a miscarriage. This education is necessary for us to provide care for women and families suffering loss.

Emily Carrington is a freelance writer, wife, mother, and founder of the EPLA.

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Caring for a Miscarried Baby’s Remains

6/2/2022

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By Maria Servold EPLA Editor

A British couple has made headlines recently after they came forward to discuss how their miscarried baby’s body was treated (or not treated) at a hospital in London.

Laura Brody and Lawrence White lost their son at home four months into pregnancy. The loss occurred after they visited a hospital, had an ultrasound that showed the baby had died, and were told to wait at home until a bed was available for her to deliver the stillborn baby.

While waiting at home, she delivered the baby in her bathroom. The couple called an emergency number but were told their situation was not an emergency. They went to the emergency room anyway, with the baby boy’s body in a Tupperware container.

Once in the emergency room, Laura and Lawrence had to wait for five hours in the waiting room, and once they were seen by staff members, no one provided help or information about how to handle the baby’s body, the couple said.

"It feels like there's no safety net when things go wrong with pregnancy,” Brody told The Telegraph newspaper. "And even with all the staff and experts working really hard, the processes are so flawed that it just felt like we'd been tipped into hell."

At the Early Pregnancy Loss Association, we know one of the most difficult parts of miscarriage can be figuring out how to appropriately and carefully handle the body of a miscarried baby. Many times, in early losses, the baby’s body isn’t recovered. However, many women are able to retrieve the body or gestational sac of their baby.

One organization, Heaven’s Gain Ministries, has put together a body retrieval kit that we include in our large at-home miscarriage care kits. The retrieval kits help families secure and preserve their baby’s body until they are able to bury or cremate it.

Heavens’ Gain also provides beautiful caskets and urns for the remains of miscarried babies, highlighting the dignity of tiny souls lost too soon, but never forgotten.

We hope medical care professionals continue to improve the process of helping families through miscarriage, including the proper handling of a miscarried baby’s remains. We will continue to advocate for such efforts, and will seek to provide support in whatever way we can.

Maria Servold is an Editor at the EPLA, Assistant Director of the Herbert H. Dow II Program in American Journalism, and Lecturer in Journalism at Hillsdale College.

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Community after Miscarriage: Mental Health Awareness Month

5/29/2022

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By Nick Carrington EPLA Editor

May is mental health awareness month and a great opportunity to remember the challenges that miscarriage causes. The physical effects are traumatic enough, but women face intense mental and emotional struggles as well.

A recent study suggests that miscarriage potentially doubles the risk of suicide in teens. The researchers focused on teenagers in the juvenile justice and foster care systems, a group who traditionally doesn’t have a strong support system when tragedy strikes.

The experience of those teens isn’t uncommon. While other mothers are blessed with support systems in various forms, like friends, family, and church and other civic groups, they may not experience the fruit of that community after a miscarriage.

That lack of support occurs for multiple reasons. We still don’t talk about miscarriage enough. People are often uncomfortable hearing about a miscarriage and don’t know how to react. But also, we don’t always recognize that both mother and father have lost a child. In most cases, we should expect the parents will grieve as those who’ve lost a loved one.

So loved ones should react accordingly. Many ways that we comfort the grieving are appropriate in this situation, like sending flowers, starting a meal train, writing cards, and providing gifts. As a community, we strive to ease burdens from the loss family so they can focus on grieving instead of dealing with endless other responsibilities.

When women and families don’t have people to support them, they may spiral into despair. That’s why the EPLA focuses so much on building community around miscarriage. As we think through mental health, let's not forget that a strong community plays a role in the healing process.
So be there for each other and know who will be there for you. When a miscarriage occurs, we not only grieve together, we work to help loved ones heal.

Nick Carrington is an Editor for the EPLA and Associate Professor of Professional Writing at Cedarville University

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What Do We Say about Miscarriage Now?

5/20/2022

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By Emily Carrington EPLA Executive Director

Seven years ago I started talking about my miscarriages. At the time, I was lauded as brave. I wasn’t noticed as brave for enduring the heartbreak of losing a child. I wasn’t noticed as brave for enduring the physical process of losing a child. I was called brave simply because I talked about my miscarriage.

And they were right. No one talked about miscarriage. It was newsworthy when celebrities opened up to tell their own stories.

It turns out there were a lot of people like me. Just ready to talk into the silence. The hushed culture inspired projects like “Don’t Talk About the Baby” and Grieve Out Loud. For a long time the conversation simply was “WHY ISN’T THIS A CONVERSATION?!”

But now it is a conversation. It is at least a growing conversation. We must still work against long-standing cultural norms of silence, but we also must look forward.

If we are going to talk, what are we going to say?

At Hope Blooms we hope to help answer that question. We still want to raise awareness, and we still believe there is a LONG way to go on that front.

But what are we going to say to those who are paying attention?

In keeping with our mission, vision, and values at EPLA, I believe it is time to educate, amplify, support, dignify, and love.

Educate: As miscarriage awareness grows, it is important we offer clear explanations and definitions so people can better understand the physical experience of miscarriage. While the word miscarriage is used broadly, there are many medical terms that explain embronic development, medical procedures, and female reproductive issues. As the conversation continues we must educate, educate, educate to protect against misinformation.

Amplify: We must amplify the voices of people speaking: the families, the doctors, the nurses, the other care providers. By giving these voices volume we are honoring not only their lives, but the lives of the little ones they lost.

Support - We must continue to increase support. This includes physical support, financial support, emotional support, and spiritual support. As we listen, we must hear what people need and seek to improve services.

Dignify: We are not here to just ruffle feathers, change procedures, or yell about our sadness. We are not here to ask everyone else to yell; in fact - I wish we never had to yell at all. I wish we could grieve quietly with dignity. I wish our lost children were given dignity. As we continue to talk about miscarriage we must do so with an eye on dignity. The same dignity we give all birth and death, because it is just that: a birth and a death.

Love: Perhaps this isn’t a different task, but the action that holds everything together. As the conversation continues we must continue to love. We must love each other and more specifically we must love human life.

We are honored to use this blog space to do just these things, and we are glad you are here to join us.

Emily Carrington is a freelance writer, wife, mother, and founder of the EPLA.

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Make New Friends and Keep the Old: EPLA Collaboration Efforts

5/11/2022

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By Maria Servold EPLA Editor

As the Early Pregnancy Loss Association has grown over the past few years, we have made an effort to develop and maintain collaborations with other groups. We’re proud to pursue our mission of serving women suffering early pregnancy loss, but we’re also proud to work with other groups to further our missions together.

One such group is Metro Detroit Share, a regional branch of the national group Share, which provides support for pregnancy and infant loss. Since 2020, we have worked with Metro Detroit Share to include our early pregnancy loss kits in bags they provide to women suffering miscarriage all over the greater Metro Detroit area.

Recently, we provided another 500 small loss kits to MDS.This brings our total to 1,500 kits distributed to MDS in less than three years. The group’s director, Angie Winton, came to Hillsdale with a truck and a trailer to pick up all the kits - for which we are so grateful!

(And a special thanks to the Stockdale kids for all their help!)

Maria Servold is an Editor at the EPLA, Assistant Director of the Herbert H. Dow II Program in American Journalism, and Lecturer in Journalism at Hillsdale College.

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My First Mother's Day

5/5/2022

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By Emily Carrington EPLA Executive Director

My parents were in town visiting to celebrate my husband’s graduation from Baylor University. It was the beginning of a month of celebration: an honors dinner, graduation parties, and goodbye parties. Every few days we had another reason to gather and celebrate our five years in Waco.

After church that Sunday, we were excited to take my parents to Dichotomy for a Mother’s Day brunch. The restaurant - a coffee shop by day and bar by night - had just opened and was an exciting addition to the pre-Magnolia Waco landscape.

I ordered my mimosa and thought, Well, I guess this is something I can do now.

Less than 10 days before, we said goodbye to our first baby. At a little over 11 weeks pregnant we heard the horrible words “I am sorry, there is no heartbeat.” Opting for a D&C procedure to complete the miscarrage, the whole thing seemed rather “contained” and life seemed to spiral on.

My husband was graduating, he had a new job, we had bought a house, we were moving back to the Midwest; everything we had worked for for five years was coming to fruition. This was an exciting time of celebration.

But on Mother’s Day the shadow of my loss was looming. I was sad, but I was also feeling better. My morning sickness had subsided, my hormones were leveling out, and my body was starting to move forward. I could drink and enjoy the mimosa, something I could not have done two weeks earlier because it was not only unwise, but impossible due to my early pregnancy food aversions.

How long would I feel this way? I was at once confused, relieved, and burdened by grief.

This year, May 1 is International Bereaved Mother’s Day and May 8 is Mother’s Day. Some might argue that all mothers deserve recognition on the “real” Mother’s Day and that bereaved mothers don’t need our own special day. Others might suggest that such a day is needed, otherwise we get lost in the shuffle and forgotten.

These first two weeks of May hold that dichotomy of bereaved motherhood. Your motherhood is valid, your motherhood is real, you are a mother. But your baby is missing and your arms ache and it might feel as though your motherhood has been stripped away from you. Your legitimacy to motherhood is not ruined by your grief of its loss. That is the grief: you are a mother missing the very thing that fulfills that role.

That first Mother’s Day, I sipped my mimosa slowly and held my motherhood closely.

Emily Carrington is a freelance writer, wife, mother, and founder of the EPLA.

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A Decade Ago

4/28/2022

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By: Stephanie Gordon, EPLA board member and blog editor

I recently came across a miscarriage photo essay that is genuinely raw and real; I could feel this woman’s pain just looking at the captured moments. A decade ago, an ultrasound photo and a broken heart was the only evidence of my miscarriage. This essay portrays nearly each step of miscarriage, with photo captions that convey the complicated emotions felt during miscarriage loss. One photo caption reads, “I didn’t know how badly I wanted a baby until I was told I wasn’t having one.” Emotions came flooding back about the loss I experienced nearly a decade ago this year. I remember echoing the author’s exact sentiments. Even though a decade has passed, it still feels like yesterday.

It still feels like yesterday when I first saw signs of spotting and was in denial that anything was wrong.

It still feels like yesterday that Matt and I spent an entire Friday night in the hospital waiting for test results and meeting with multiple doctors.
It still feels like yesterday that I was wheeled down that long, sterile hallway, only to have an ultrasound prove our baby didn’t have a heartbeat.

It still feels like yesterday when the doctor said, “I’m sorry. Your pregnancy isn’t viable.”

When scrolling through the photo essay, I came across a slide that read, “How did I not know anyone who had taken this drug before? Who had to force their body to reject their dead fetus?” She’s right. Why haven’t we talked about this?

My doctor gave me three choices; have a D&C, take two misoprostol pills at home, or simply wait. Because I was working at the time, waiting wasn’t ideal and surgery felt abrasive. Since I was about 10 weeks along, I opted for misoprostol, hoping I would be more comfortable at home. The drug was foreign to me, and I knew no one else who had taken the drug. The photo essay’s author talks about not being able to process what was happening while experiencing violent bouts of nausea, vomiting, and cramping - all while trying to pass a baby. Having a miscarriage at home was the most vulnerable experience of my life, and I promised myself I would never do it again if there was a next time.

And while this photo essay brought back a flood of emotions, I am reminded of how lost and empty I felt after my miscarriage. Like this woman, my miscarriage wasn’t over after taking the two misoprostol pills. Fortunately, my pills “worked,” but I spent every Wednesday in a lab making sure my hCG levels were declining properly. Every Wednesday was another sore reminder that I was no longer having a baby.

Life didn’t stop after it was all over. I gave myself a weekend to have a miscarriage. A weekend. Miscarriage doesn’t stop in two days. It lingers, physically and emotionally, just like you see in the essay. Months later, when I stopped bleeding, I started to feel like myself again, and I finally felt like I could move on.

In the essay, the author wonders if she could mourn and be sad. I mourned and I was sad - it still makes me sad. It’s important to know that all women mourn differently. During my mourning, though, I believed I would never experience birthing and raising a child. I believed something was wrong with me or Matt. I wish I had more hope, but the loss was hard, and it was easy to dwell and lose hope.

Fast forward nearly 10 years, and it still feels like yesterday. But I now have three beautiful children: two daughters and one son. I would have never believed my life as it is right now during those dark moments a decade ago. Loss is hard. Miscarriage is hard. Grieving is hard. But what we and so many other women have experienced is real, and I promise there is hope for what’s to come.

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Photo Essay Shows the Complex Nature of Miscarriage

4/20/2022

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By: Nick Carrington EPLA Editor

Miscarriage is complex and so are the problems surrounding it. Medical professionals see it so often, they sometimes fail to show enough empathy for parents who have lost a child. Because our culture doesn’t talk about miscarriage much, families who experience it struggle with how to grieve. Mothers experience physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma.

To understand a family’s experience, we need to tell our stories and to read the stories of others. We need to look at the realities of miscarriage, in all its pain and horror, and respond with empathy and love for the suffering.

Recently, The Cut published a heart-wrenching photo essay that discusses these realities through various images and reflections. Be warned, some of the pictures are difficult to see, but for those that can handle it, we encourage you to read the entire article.

Next week, one of our editors, Stephanie Gordon, will analyze the piece from her own experience.

Nick Carrington is an Editor for the EPLA and Associate Professor of Professional Writing at Cedarville University

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Spring Blooms; Spring Snows

3/16/2022

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By Emily Carrington EPLA Executive Director

A few weeks ago we had a BEAUTIFUL warm and sunny spring Saturday. Could it be? An early spring here in Southern Michigan? Could the gray shadows of March and April rain give way to the sun?! The bulbs were starting to produce shoots peeking above the soil, the birds were chirping, everything pointed to spring.

A week later, it was 20 degrees and snowed for three days. Of course. I knew better. I am a true midwesterner, and a March spring day is only a sign and hope of things to come.

In many ways, every pregnancy after my first miscarriage felt like that warm March day. Each pregnancy began full of beauty, joy, and life. Each child was worthy of enjoyment for his or her own sake. Each life was something to bask in, celebrate, and know deeply.

But over every pregnancy also loomed that dread of snow. Is this pregnancy for “real” or is it going to be cut short? Is spring ahead or is winter still here?

The weight of worry could sometimes feel like it was too much to bear.
While darkness often covers those early days of pregnancy after loss, we can look to the hope of the first spring flowers poking out of the snow. They remind us of the promise and hope that life perseveres, even through the cold, dark snow.