sharing your stories and remembering your children
By: Emily Carrington EPLA Founder
I have to admit, I don’t always know what to say or do. I remember what hurt, I remember what healed, and I remember what I longed to hear, but when I find myself in front of a bereaved mother even I don’t know always what to say.
It has gotten better as I have unfortunately had more practice, but I often walk away kicking myself after sitting with a family who has suffered. I replay the conversation in my head and quickly think: “how could I possibly be so dumb? So insensitive?” I worry that I talked about myself and my experiences too much or that I disclosed too much gory information of what is to come. I wonder, “did my words of comfort actually comfort or did they offend?”
The last four years my life has been saturated in pregnancy loss. I have lost three little ones to miscarriage and I have walked through loss with a number of friends. Not only that, but now, as the President of EPLA, people often look to me to talk about caring for women and families.
While I have come to listen more and talk less, I still find caring for a loved one after loss a difficult path to navigate. Doing what I wanted or needed is not always the right thing. My experience is only my experience and my needs are only my needs. I needed to be public, I needed to talk about it, I also needed my friends and family to mention my little ones and acknowledge my loss. Someone else might respond very differently to their own miscarriage.
Which is why we need this blog. We need to talk about miscarriage because it is often misunderstood or downplayed. But to take care of each other other well, we need to keep listening to your experiences and your needs.
We cannot love one another or bear one another’s burdens if we don’t come together in honest vulnerability. Since launching Hope Blooms in October, we have had the opportunity to share beautiful stories from mothers, fathers, grandmothers, daughters, siblings, and medical professionals. We have talked about grief, pain, hope, and healing. We have explored emotions and offered suggestions for what to say or do for a loved one. We have grieved, we have learned, and we have loved.
As we look forward to 2019 we are ready to do more of the same. We must continue this conversation: share stories, share suggestions, and work through our experiences. And we must do that together. We cannot do it alone, and we don’t want to. Please keep reading our blog, please keep sharing posts with your friends, and, if you are so inclined, please consider writing your story for us to share; we’d love to hear from you.
Emily Carrington is the founder of the EPLA and mother to four children.