sharing your stories and remembering your children
By: Nick Carrington EPLA Editor
At the EPLA, we have a long-term goal to help change the public discourse about miscarriage. For too long, our culture has discussed miscarriage only in hushed tones, forcing parents to grieve privately and pretend they merely experienced a “setback.”
But this Mother’s Day season, we are seeing just how much the public dialog has changed in a short amount of time. For example, at Sharing Magazine, Tiffany Elder emphasizes that mothers of lost children are indeed mothers:
“I looked her in the eyes from across the table, and I told her that she is, in fact, a mother. I told her that she has in fact experienced having the love of a mother for that little baby.”
We have come to accept the fact that these mothers will likely feel a great deal of pain on Mother’s Day as they reflect on the devastating loss in miscarriage. Over at Proverbs 31 Ministries, Stephanie Raquel recalls her own experience with Mother’s Day after losing her first child:
“That Mother’s Day was anything but joyful.
But my friend Deb? She knew. She understood I’d just want to weep and had called me that morning. Deb left a heartfelt message, sharing a short Scripture and a prayer reminding me of God’s goodness — which was exactly what my soul craved that day.”
If you know parents who have lost a child, remember their pain this holiday season and do what you can to help with the healing process.
Before Bereaved Mother’s Day on May 5th, Sabrina Ivy reminded us that mothers who miscarried did not fail, “not even a little bit.” They provide a loving home for their child and while death parted mother and child, they shared a bond only the two of them could have:
“You create countless scenarios of what you could have done differently because you feel that somehow you have failed.
You need to know that you didn’t fail. Not even a little bit.”
Mothers of miscarried children are mothers; they feel the pain of a diseased child because whether they held him or her or not, they lost a child. These mothers were the best thing to ever happen to their children; they did nothing wrong to lose their little one.
Our culture needs to hear these truths. For too long, we have failed to reinforce these realities and others like it. But, this Mother’s Day season, we have seen just how much the conversation surrounding miscarriage has changed. The truth that parents need to hear is emerging, and women are sharing their stories more and more.
So, in a way we celebrate the progress of our public discourse, and yet, we still have a long way to go. We must not confuse where we are with where we want to be. This Mother’s Day season, we are thankful for the support for loss families, and we look forward to even more positive change ahead.
Nick Carrington is an Editor for the EPLA and Assistant Professor of Professional Writing at Cedarville University.