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By: Emily Carrington EPLA Founder If you haven’t already read Meghan McCain’s miscarriage story in the New York Times, do yourself a favor and read it. In her intimate first person account, the co-host of The View puts politics aside to articulate the burden of miscarriage. Her words serve to legitimize the grief of so many families who have suffered the same loss, and she frames the difficulty of walking through loss alone. “Because even to this day, the subject of a miscarriage carries so much cultural taboo. Miscarriage is a pain too often unacknowledged. Yet it is real, and what we have lost is real. We feel sorrow and we weep because our babies were real.” Her story is painful yet uplifting for all of us who have walked this dreary road before. Her reflections on her love for her baby give a glimpse of joy in the midst of suffering. “I had a miscarriage. I loved my baby, and I always will. To the end of my days I will remember this child — and whatever children come will not obscure that. I have love for my child. I have love for all the women who, like me, were briefly in the sisterhood of motherhood, hoping, praying and nursing joy within us, until the day the joy was over.” And she reminds us of a very important truth. “You are not alone.” We hope that Meghan’s words bring you comfort. But we also hope she emboldens you to speak up, too, if you need to. You do not need a daytime talk show or a platform like the New York Times to be heard. You can follow her example in your own community, you can start your own blog, or you can even send us your story for this blog. We are hear to listen! The more we raise our voices together the more we can change the culture.
Emily Carrington is the founder of the EPLA and mother to four children.
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By: Nick Carrington EPLA Editor While the research is mixed, some studies suggest that couples are more likely to break up following a miscarriage or stillbirth. Sometimes the couple was struggling before their loss; other times, miscarriage led to unhealthy grief habits that affected the relationship. Men and women often grieve differently, and loss parents may have difficulty understanding the other through their pain. Women may feel severely depressed or anxious after a miscarriage for up to three years. The heartache will often either bond a couple together in inseparable ways or cause a schism between the two that is hard to heal. Loved ones may or may not see the cracks forming in the aftermath, but regardless, couples need help in myriad ways, including encouragement in their relationship. Here are a few ways to help them as they grieve and learn to live together following a miscarriage. Encourage Counseling Loved ones should be careful in suggesting a couple receive counseling after miscarriage. First, many couples do not need counseling; they draw closer together or remain strong during the grieving process. But, even when a couple is struggling with their relationship, seeking counseling is a deeply personal choice. However, if you are extremely close to a couple and see issues that a trained counselor can deal with, you may suggest they seek therapy. Sometimes, they need a push to do what’s necessary to strengthen their relationship. Counseling will help them understand how the other grieves and how they can be a healing balm to each other. Watch Their Kids While They Go Out Kids are one of the greatest blessings in life, but they also cause plenty of stress in day-to-day life. Loss parents with alive children may need a break from the rigors of child rearing to spend time together. Even a few hours out can make a significant difference in a couples’ relationship. If you are family, you may offer to watch their kids for an entire weekend. Parents can invest some time in their relationship and get a breather from the demands of their everyday. Suggest They Go on a Marriage Retreat Marriage retreats serve as part vacation and part counseling. They provide concentrated time for couples to enjoy each other. Churches often sponsor marriage retreats, and if you go to church with loss parents or know of another marriage getaway, you may want to encourage parents to attend. We all benefit from intentional effort on our relationships. For couples in an intense grieving state, it may be even more crucial. Watch their children, pay their way if you can, and ensure they can be alone together for a short time. Be Slow to Speak and Quick to Listen This popular truth from the book of James is vital to coming alongside loss parents. While there is a time to suggest couples get help, they may benefit most from a caring, listening ear. Don’t try to “fix” the situation; be supportive and loving. Listen. Couples and Miscarriage Miscarriage affects every aspect of life, including the relationship that formed that precious child. If you are a loved one, you can help ease some of the strain that couples feel after losing a child. It’s a tough road back after losing child; let’s do all we can to make the journey a little smoother.
Nick Carrington is an Editor for the EPLA and Assistant Professor of Professional Writing at Cedarville University.
By: Maria Servold EPLA Editor One of the hardest things about miscarriage is that many families don’t have anything physical after the event to remember their babies with. While a memorial item can never replace the baby that was lost, they can bring comfort in times of grief and help keep the memory of a miscarried child alive. My own miscarriage was very early, and I was treated in an emergency room, so I wasn’t given any sort of memorial items that many women receive if they miscarry in a labor and delivery unit. The Early Pregnancy Loss Association hopes to change this in a small way, by including memorial items in both sizes of our miscarriage care kits. We include small things like knitted blankets and journals, but there are many companies that offer beautiful and meaningful memorial items for miscarried babies. Here are just a few: My Missing Peace, an Australian company, offers unique and beautiful memorial pieces, like colorful resin hearts that contain a model of an unborn child. You can order a heart to feature one or multiple babies at whatever gestational age you’d like. Heaven’s Gain Ministries, with whom we partner on our miscarriage care kits, offers beautiful burial boxes, urns, and memorial pieces. A nonprofit loss support group, M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) has a page listing many different small companies and groups that produce memorial items for miscarriage and stillbirth, like jewelry and stuffed animals. Etsy also lists dozens of miscarriage memorial items for sale. While a memorial item will not be able to replace a child lost to miscarriage, many families find them helpful and comforting. If a memorial item is something you are looking for or you think a friend or family member may like, these pages will be a good start! 
Maria Servold is an Editor at the EPLA, Assistant Director of the Herbert H. Dow II Program in American Journalism, and Lecturer in Journalism at Hillsdale College.
By: Maria Servold EPLA Editor Most of us do not bear the burden of fame - we do not live our lives in view of the general public. But for those who do, loss of any kind, especially miscarriage, can be particularly difficult to deal with. On July 4, while many Americans were busy celebrating Independence Day, Joy-Anna Duggar Forsyth announced that she and her husband, Austin, had lost their baby to miscarriage at 20 weeks gestation. Joy-Anna is one of the 19 children of the Duggar family, who has been featured in several television series. The young couple has one son, but announced last week that they lost a baby girl to miscarriage in late June. They shared photos of them holding the little girl, whom they named Annabell Elise. We can learn a few things from this tragic moment in the lives of the Forsyths. First, we see the importance of sharing stories of loss with others. Because they were open to sharing the loss of Annabell with the world through social media, the Forsyths demonstrate the importance of telling stories of loss and how that sharing can invite others to help them grieve. Secondly, the couple’s announcement gives dignity to all unborn children. By naming their baby, they honor her life and the lives of all children who are miscarried. Many families who suffer miscarriage share stories of their babies and honor them with names, but it is especially heartening to see a public figure demonstrate this respect for life in such a public way.
Maria Servold is an Editor at the EPLA, Assistant Director of the Herbert H. Dow II Program in American Journalism, and Lecturer in Journalism at Hillsdale College
By: Emily Carrington EPLA Founder Every year I brace myself for Christmas and Easter, for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but the one that always surprises me is Independence Day. Yup, that mid-summer holiday celebrating our nation’s independence. The one marked by hot dogs, fireworks, baseball, and family time. It is that last one that gets me -- after three miscarriages, a large part of my family will always be missing. I was recently struck by this reality when I was looking at some pictures from the summer of 2015. The thought that haunted me was that no matter how happy I looked or how much fun I seemed to be having, the reality was that my children are missing from these pictures. I had lost two little ones approximately a year earlier, my first in May and my second in September of 2014. I would go on to lose a third only weeks after these pictures in August 2015. I remember how greatly I felt the loss of my children every single day during 2015, but I also remember how amplified that loss was during the week of the 4th of July. Parties, family BBQs, and parades only reminded me that my family was incomplete. This feeling still sneaks up on me the first week of July. For our family, Independence Day is a big family celebration. We come from as far as Michigan and Tennessee to meet at my in-laws' on the banks of the Ohio River. The only plans for our days together orbit around two things: food & family. But each year I am reminded that three of our little ones will never be with us. Three of our little ones will never see the great river at sunrise or sunset, or run in the summer sun with their cousins. I feel this weight with each celebration. I am sure other loss parents have experienced some sneaky rough holidays too, Maybe this week is hard for you too. Or is it your annual Memorial Day Celebration? Or New Year’s or Halloween? Whatever it is, these surprising reminders that our children are gone can hurt.
Emily Carrington is the founder of the EPLA and mother to four children.
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