sharing your stories and remembering your children
By Nick Carrington
Hope Blooms Blog Editor
As Christmas celebrations fade and New Year’s approach, many of our readers may be remembering loved ones they’ve lost this year or during the holiday season in other years. This time of year can be particularly difficult for those mourning the loss of a miscarried baby.
The Understanding Heart, a blog and social media page dedicated to sharing stories of pregnancy loss, imparts some wisdom about dealing with miscarriage and pregnancy after loss during the holiday season:
Pregnancy Loss: A Holiday Survival Guide
Trying to Conceive: A Holiday Survival Guide
Emily’s Story (losing a baby conceived during the holiday season)
If you are struggling after a miscarriage, take some time to explore The Understanding Heart’s page. It’s full of helpful information and beautiful, comforting words to help you through this particularly difficult time.
EPLA Blog Editor
The Christmas season often elicits memories of family and friends, traditions, and new beginnings. It’s a time where we come together with those we love and sometimes, remember those who are no longer with us.
Growing up, we always went to my grandparent’s house for Christmas. We went to church as a family on Christmas Eve and got Buffalo Wild Wings afterward. My grandmother made cinnamon rolls, and we watched either A Christmas Story or It’s a Wonderful Life. On Christmas morning, we opened presents and then ate an enormous breakfast of eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, toast, and orange juice. Almost every Christmas memory I have as a child involves my grandparents, how they cared for us, and how they made life better.
Now that they’ve passed, Christmas is also a time to remember them and their love for our family.
At EPLA, we talk about remembering children quite a bit. Because family is such an important part of the season for many, Christmas is a wonderful time to show loved ones that you remember and care about their children.
One subtle way to celebrate children lost to miscarriage is to hang an ornament in their honor. On our tree, we have ornaments for each of our four children that coincides with a time in their lives. The Thomas the Train decoration no longer holds much meaning for my 8 year old, but it reminds his mother and I of the little boy who knew the names of 50+ trains.
For children lost to miscarriage, we might hang an ornament with his or her name on it, if the parents named the child. Or we might purchase one that is particular to the family and child in another way.
The point is to make that child a part of your traditions, to remember him or her. Children lost to miscarriage are family, and just as we might remember other loved ones who aren’t around anymore, we can remember those children as well.
Over at Hope Blooms Emily, Nick, and Maria have been tackling the challenges that face loss parents, friends, and families during the holiday season. Be sure to check out some of our favorite episodes.
The Shadow of Loss: Due Dates, Thanksgiving, and Babies
Emily's first Thanksgiving after two miscarriages was very hard. In this episode Emily remembers the agony she felt passing her own due date, welcoming her new nephew, and failing to help in the kitchen.
Our Friends and Family Grieve With Us
Emily Carrington sits down with her brother-in-law, Nick Carrington, to talk about walking through miscarriage with loved ones. Nick addresses his own grief watching his family suffer miscarriage while also recognizing his role as a support person.
Be Gentle With Yourself? What Does that Even Mean?!
(Live December 20, 2022)
We are quick to prescribe gentleness in times of grief, but do we even know what that means? Has the command to be 'gentle with yourself' become just one more thing to do in a time of helplessness? How do we understand gentleness in a way that allows for healing and restoration.
Emily and Maria start the conversation digging in to what 'being gentle with yourself' might look like, especially as we prepare for the Holidays.