Angel Wings on the Christmas Tree

By: Stephanie Gordon EPLA Editor
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During the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, I am often longing for a moment of silence, especially during these moments leading up to Christmas day. Silence is a hard thing to come by with three children. But with the chaos that comes with Eloise, Flora, and Jack, I am quickly reminded of my first Christmas after experiencing miscarriage. It was a heart wrenching Christmas. I imagined what it would be like if my baby were there. I dreamed of their first Christmas ornament and their first Christmas gift. I thought of how happy my husband and I would’ve been that first Christmas morning if our baby was there. It was a hard Christmas.

The following Christmas, after lots of tears and therapy, I was in a better place. I still longed for our baby, but I had time to grieve and process. My husband and I bought an angel wing ornament to hang on our tree to honor and remember our baby.

I think for most, Christmas trees are sentimental and filled with ornaments that highlight moments and memories throughout the years. If you have lost a baby and feel ready, honoring your baby with an ornament might be therapeutic for you this holiday season. After loss, it doesn’t feel fair to move on with life and forget about what happened. Honoring my baby year after year at Christmastime has become a tradition. I have many friends who hang their “angel baby” ornaments on their trees. They are all so beautiful.

Each Christmas, my husband and I and our three children, remember the baby we lost by hanging the ornament together. Though the ornament used to bring me tears, I am comforted in knowing that we will be reunited with our baby one day. Our girls, who are six and five, know that the ornament is to honor their brother or sister in heaven. The angel wings have become a token of love for our family.

I pray that you have hope if you are experiencing loss this Christmas. It is not fair, and it’s ok to be heart broken. I was once where you are, and know exactly how you feel. I hope you can rest in the promises of Christmas. There is hope, love, joy, and peace in your days ahead.

Stephanie Gordon is a paleo food enthusiast, wife, full-time SAHM of two girls with one on the way, marketing professional, and blogger. You can follow her on Instagram at @stephgordonblog.