sharing your stories and remembering your children
By Nick Carrington EPLA Editor
Recently, Britney Spears announced that she had experienced a miscarriage. At EPLA our hearts break for her and Sam Asghari, the father.
In her post, Spears noted that they perhaps “should have waited to announce until we were further along…”, a common sentiment among families that miscarry.
It should surprise no one that families feel that way, and there is nothing wrong if that’s the approach that parents want to take. But there are advantages to announcing a pregnancy early, even if it ends in tragedy.
One advantage is that if something happens, a community of loved ones will know the family is hurting and why. Part of feeling isolated is that others, even those close to the loss parents, don’t know their loved ones are struggling. After the loss, it may be difficult to reach out for help because doing so can feel like burdening the people they care about.
Another advantage is that more people have the chance to celebrate the child, even as they never get to interact with him or her. Children lost in the womb should be mourned, yes, but also celebrated. They were people, part of a family, if only for a short time.
Of course, this approach means that loss parents may have to tell more people than they want about their loss. It can be exhausting to restate something that causes such pain.
Regardless of what you decide, resist the urge to second guess yourself.
No matter when you announce a pregnancy, there are advantages and disadvantages, and if your family suffers through a miscarriage, those details are some of the least important. Get the help you need – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
For Spears and Asghari, we hope they have peace and that a community rises up to ease their burdens as they grieve.
Nick Carrington is an Editor for the EPLA and Associate Professor of Professional Writing at Cedarville University