Losing a Child as a Father: An Interview with Ryan Servold

Father’s Day, like Mother’s Day, can be difficult for parents who have lost a child. Today, we’re featuring a conversation with Early Pregnancy Loss Association board member Maria Servold’s husband, Ryan. The Servolds lost a baby in the fall of 2012. It was their first pregnancy. 

How did you feel when you found out Maria was pregnant for the first time? 
I was excited and hopeful. I always wanted kids, so it felt like we were finally on that path. 

What about when the miscarriage began?
At first I felt like I was in a haze and that it wasn’t real. I couldn't believe that that could even happen. It wasn’t something that had crossed my mind as a possibility. I was sad, especially seeing what Maria was going through. 

What do you remember about the experience? 
I remember sleeping on the floor next to the couch, where Maria was laying afterward. I was trying to think of ways to comfort her and help her feel better. 

What can a husband or father do during this time?
As a husband, it can feel like there aren’t many ways to help your wife as she is experiencing a miscarriage. It can feel completely out of your control. But just providing emotional support and being there with her to make her feel loved are very important. 

Now that you are a father to three healthy girls, what would you like to say to other dads experiencing miscarriage?
I’m so grateful to now have our three girls, but I won’t ever forget about that first pregnancy. I would encourage other men experiencing loss to have hope for the future, as you don’t know what blessings may be down the road.