sharing your stories and remembering your children
EPLA Executive Director
Among the chatter and clutter of “New year, new you,” I have seen a very helpful admonition floating around social media: leaving 2022 doesn’t mean leaving the one you lost behind. For once, I think social media is right.
It can be hard when the new year doesn’t feel fresh, and especially when you don’t want it to. What does fresh mean? Does it mean we forget, get rid of, or move on from all that we had?
For women who suffered miscarriage last year, 2022 might hold many highs and lows and the only evidence of your baby. For many women, the entirety of their little one’s existence is limited to just a few months in 2022.
Some women might be ready to move on, move forward, and get out of their grief. This is the way I felt. 2014 was a year of hell. Between February and October I conceived and lost two babies. 2015 was a welcome relief. I was tired of death, and I needed something different. I was not mad to say goodbye to 2014.
But 2014 was also a year of life. Those babies lived inside of me, even if it was only for a few short weeks. That is something I should have done better to honor. Both for myself and for my babies.
While I might have failed in this way - one thing is true: I have not forgotten about these children, nor have I “left them” in 2014. They are part of everything I do - even when I am not consciously aware of it. In their short lives they shaped me and my family, and their impact ripples through our community in so many ways.
If you are struggling with hope as we enter a new year, know that your memories of a lost baby will not go away. The flipping of the calendar page does not erase their existence, nor does it speed up your grief process. But the coming of the new year does indicate that time passes and that can be hard to accept. Use this time as a marker to take account of where you are and how you are feeling. Know that their lives are still real. Know that moving forward in grief is not a failure.