Numbering Our Miscarried Children Among the Dead to Count Them Among the Living

By: Emily Carrington EPLA Founder

Sometimes it feels like my miscarried babies disappeared into thin air. I never saw their bodies, I never held them, and I never buried them. 

Sometimes they feel almost like bodiless souls. Little beings that never came into being. I know they are valued. I know they existed. I know they are not here any more. 

But I am not sure I always know they died. 

As we approach the Christian commemoration of All Hallowtide, and specifically All Saints Day, I find myself thinking a lot about bodies and death. 

Traditionally, this holiday has been a day to remember our mortality, to remember our loved ones who have died, and to celebrate the souls in heaven. Trips to the cemetery are a very appropriate way to mark this holiday. 

But what about the parents of children who died in early pregnancy? Where can we go? Our babies are often not buried. They often do not have headstones. In our current culture, our babies’ bodies do not have a place among the dead. 

This is why the Early Pregnancy Loss Association bought a cemetery plot this week.

While we would love to see a world where the bodies of children lost in early pregnancy are given the dignity of a final resting place, we know this reality is too far away for many. 

So, we bought a cemetery plot, and we are buying a beautiful bench style monument with an inscription to all children lost in early pregnancy. 
We hope this is a place where a family can go and remember their little one lost to miscarriage. We know that ritual and time and place matter in the grieving process. We want to give you that place. 

We also know this is only one headstone in one cemetery, but we hope the idea of permanent memorials for miscarried babies will grow. We hope that one day every cemetery has a place for people to grieve these lives lost too soon. 

We want to make space for you. We want to make space for our babies. We must number our babies among the dead. ​