There is no Dignity in Neglect

By Emily Carrington, EPLA Executive Director 
Miscarriage is bloody, intimate, and physically mortifying, and for those reasons, it is not something we like to talk about. 

But we cannot protect a woman’s privacy at the expense of her dignity. 

To leave her to suffer alone, in a pile of her own blood, is not privacy, is not protection, is not care. 

It is neglect. 

There is no dignity in neglect; only deep pain, isolating heartache, and unnecessary shame. 

As the founding president and now executive director of EPLA I find myself talking about miscarriage a lot. Sometimes, I’m speaking to young mothers who are accustomed to birth stories and more intimate conversations about the body, but other times I’m talking to older gentlemen, who I presume… are not accustomed to such talk. 

I am not interested in making people blush. I am also not interested in parading women and their humble (and often gruesome) stories in front of others in the name of awareness. This has brought me to think about what is “dignity.” 

Dignity and propriety matter in society. Often, a miscarriage is a physically gruling and bloody experience that doesn’t fit polite conversation. 

And while I have told my own miscarriage story to thousands of people over the last seven years, there are parts of it I often keep to myself. Keeping parts of our story private is okay. But leaving others to suffer the same bloody mess without the proper resources is not okay. 

To restore dignity and propriety to this situation, we must recognize that a woman’s body is tasked with delivering a dead baby and we must meet her needs in that very vulnerable moment. On the bathroom floor with bath towels and a tupperware container isn’t good enough. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing a miscarriage and have chosen to deliver at home, email us at [email protected]. Please include the name and mailing address of the recipient. We will ship a large miscarriage care kit anywhere in the United States. 

If you or a loved one have already experienced a miscarriage or will be undergoing a D&C procedure, please email us requesting a small care kit. 

If you would like to assemble your own kit, here is a list of recommended items: 

• Disposable underpads or towels
• Latex or rubber gloves
• Thick sanitary napkins (do not use tampons)
• Urine hat for blood collection
• A small disposable strainer set inside the urine hat can be used for tissue and body collection when necessary
• Painkillers (consult your physician)
• Ice pack and/or hot pad to manage pain
• A small box or container for the body (when applicable)
• Favorite comfort items (examples: favorite foods, tea, blanket, pillow, stuffed animal)

Other pain and comfort management suggestions:

• Have a partner or caretaker provide massage and apply pressure on back
• Change positions
• Eat easily digestible foods
• Take time to rest