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HOPE BLOOMS

sharing your stories and remembering your children

There Is So Much I Haven't Done, But I Still Love You

4/8/2021

14 Comments

 
When I lost my first baby to miscarriage, I had a deep fear that the world would forget my baby. I wanted my baby to be known, to be seen, to be loved. 

I resolved that I would carry on the memory of my baby and save a space for this child as part of our little family. I was desperate for this child to have a space. 

We decided to call our first baby Baby, as that is what we had called the child for more than two months. I decided that I would mark Baby’s due date with a single purple rose each year. This would be a part of our family tradition, even if and when we had living children. I also had carved out space for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and the loss date. I had many plans so that we wouldn’t forget Baby.

Then we lost another baby, and another. The ceremonies were getting harder to juggle and seemingly less necessary. Then suddenly, after three losses and two live births, I couldn’t keep straight due dates, birth dates, and loss dates. My four year old has hardly heard me talk about our first three children and I haven’t bought a single purple rose in a few years. 

It would be easy to feel like I have failed them. 
But I haven’t failed them at all. What I realize now, seven years after my first loss, is that I will never forget these children. These ceremonial acts were very helpful as I navigated the early days of grief, but I have found a less demanding and rigorous routine that helps heal my soul in this season of life. 

The memory activities are less scheduled and more free-flowing now. I might purchase purple roses randomly or visit the memory box on accident while cleaning and organizing the bedroom. But this doesn’t mean these children don’t hold a real space in our lives. 

Instead, they are integrated into my life, much like my living children. I think of them often, not only on their “birthdays.” My fondness never fades and their reality never goes away. Even when I forget the flowers.

Picture
​Emily Carrington is a freelance writer, wife, mother, and founder of the EPLA.
14 Comments
santhathi link
9/28/2021 01:36:57 am

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christa Sean link
10/27/2021 04:46:01 am

In 2001 my life was complicated, I felt like commit suicide because I was no longer getting the love and affection i deserve from my boyfriend. June 5, 2002 he said it was over between us, my heart was shattered. I spoke to my friend about it and she told me how Lord Bubuza restored her relationship with his spell so I contacted him immediately on WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396, I told him my problem and he promised to help me with his spell. I followed his instructions and 16 hours after the spell was casted my boyfriend came back crying and begging to forgive and accept him back. It's 20 years today since lord Bubuza helped me and we are happily married with kids now. Don't give up on your lover, contact lord Bubuza for help via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 or email: lordbubuzamiraclework@hotmail.com or website: https://lordbubuzamiraculouswork.com

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Julius Juryit link
9/7/2022 05:55:55 am


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Jessica
9/9/2022 09:59:05 am

Hi everyone i want to share my amazing testimony on how Dr Graham blessed my life, i have been playing lottery game for long now and i don’t usually win, i came across a testimony of someone testifying about how Dr Graham prayed for him and gave him a lottery game to play and he won big amount of money, so i also decided to try my luck, i contact him through his website and he assured me that he will help me, he told me it will take him 24 hours to pray for me, so after the 24 hours he gave me some lottery numbers to play and i went to play the game so on that faithful day i went to check the game to my greatest surprise i won a very big amount $20 million that changed my life and my status, i quit working as a sale woman in the supper market and i became a business owner. I want you out there to also contact him for your lucky game. You can reach him via his info below
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arthur joe link
9/12/2022 03:15:22 am

What can I say to you Dr Ayoola for what you have done for me, I’m here to say thank you Dr Ayoola, I’m a man that love playing Lottery. I have been playing lottery for over 15 years now and I have not won any good money because of the way my life was, I was having challenges in my financial life I was owning a lot of people around me because of what my wife put me through and don’t know what to do, I was confuse and frustrated I didnt know what to do, I was just researching on how I can win lottery when I got so many testimonies from people that Dr Ayoola has helped in the past and they were able to win a good money with the help of this man call Dr Ayoola I was overwhelmed and I contacted him as well for help I was so surprised he got back to me saying he will help me, that was how we started working together he promised me that I will win which I believe because of the way he spoke to me, today I’m here to tell the world that I’m a living testimony of his good works. Dr Ayoola helped me to win the sum of 50 million euro I was shocked because I have been playing this same lottery for over 15 years, Dr Ayoola was God sent to me I’m here testifying about him for you to know just in case you want help so you can contact him as well via website Drayoolatemple.com or drayoolasolutionhome@gmail.com or https://www.facebook.com/Dr-Ayoola-105640401516053/ text or call +14809032128

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Robbie Holmes
10/2/2022 10:23:06 pm

THANKS DR AJAYI OLOLO FOR YOU AS YOU ARE TRULY THE GREATEST SPELL CASTER/PROPHET ON EARTH..
If you like you can me insane man for testifying and coming open to the public to glorify and rain praises upon the only one EXPERIENCED,ACCESSIBLE,TRUSTED AND MOST POWERFULLY spell caster called Ajayi Ololo for helping me use his reliable and sincere spell work to bring back to me my lovely wife after 8 months of separations. I and my wife had a misunderstanding that her family has to tell her to get a divorce which she did. Little did i know that she is really my wife and my woman. I know you reading this testimony will ask how did i know she is my woman and wife even after divorce. i get to know this because i always think of her anytime i find myself to be alone in the house and anytime i have that thinking i will always want to drink to forget about her, even with the drinks to clear her out of my brain the reflections of her beauty will always flash through my mind that i don't know what to do to get her back home. On thinking how to bring her back home for us to leave happily together and call off the divorce i went to marriage advisers and also register for how you need to get your broken marriage restored back. I spent two week on the seminar were we were always thought about the steps to take to restore a broken marriage back but to me it seems not to be helpful in anyway. my wife don't longer pick my calls and never wanted to see me again, and this was the woman that use to love,care,respect and adore me before. Her decision that resulted to our divorce was just a misunderstanding that could be easily be corrected after much apology to her that it will never repeat itself again. I know she getting to know that i was having affair outside our marriage is enough but my wife i use to know could not has gone so far even with the conviction of her family to do it. As for me i had a second thought to know that there must be some enemies that must have been manipulating my wife against me and with that i need help to rid of the enemy that could have entered her to make end our marriage even with much plead from my own side. on the point for searching and looking for help my mother said there is a man that she will refer me to help me. That it means am still in love with my wife since you are still thinking about her. On hearing this from my own mother helping me out on the adventure to get help to return back home my wife,i was so glad and happy. I felt so shocked on the help she suggest that i should email (ajayiololo@yahoo.com) for help that he is a spell caster that i know for help and reliable work because it was this same spell caster that gave me drugs to be healed and cured of cancer and taken care off. not on till my lovely mother told me that spell casting is harmless but with the help of Ajayi Ololo that uses his spell casting to make your love realize and to kill and destroy any human being involved on the process i never knew there is a man like Dr Ajayi Ololo that is be talked about all over the states and countries for helping people with difficult life issues. Again Dr Ajayi thanks for helping me as you are a true prophet/spell caster that have shown yourself approved in my life. Are you out confused on how to get your ex-lover back,restore your broken marriage,win lotteries,get healed of cancer and any form of illness and problems you might be battling with earth today? Let it been know to you that the solution is Dr Ajayi Ololo the great spell caster on earth. I can only add his email address to this testimony i am posting here to refer those that truly need help as you must get his contact i mean his direct phone number when you contact him. He is a great man as his phone number can not be pasted publicly for security reasons. Email the great spell caster on :- AJAYIOLOLO@YAHOO.COM to get any of your problems solved.

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2/22/2023 02:38:29 am

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Marie Levi
3/17/2023 04:10:13 pm

A big thanks from Marie Levi to DR ISIKOLO (https://isikolotemple.com) for helping me to restore my broken home. Inconsistency has been the order of the day in my home and marriage. My husband has had a hell of a problem and torn on my flesh ever since we started having too many misunderstandings. Some days, he just left and never returned until its past weeks. I was devastated and tried all I could to fix the problems but didn't succeed. I had to search out for help and I was directed by a friend to contact DR ISIKOLO which I did. I never knew it would be possible because the problems had lingered for two whole years. DR ISIKOLO assured me and only told me to trust him and believe in having my desires granted. He fixed my marriage with his powerful love reunion bond and my home is great again and my husband is with me never to leave anymore. Contact him too and believe he can help you because he has no bad records. Just text him via WhatsApp +2348133261196 or email him via: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com

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